Self-Esteem

The most important view a person can have is of themselves, according to clinical therapists and psychologists.

It’s called self-esteem.

“Self-esteem is how somebody sees themselves,” said Susanne Dorder, a clinical therapist, in a telephone interview. “It can be negative or positive.”

A person’s environment, family upbringing, and core beliefs shape their self-esteem, according to Dorder, 38, who specializes in self-esteem. “It depends on what they are exposed to and taught,” she said. 

“People with low self-esteem are not able to see the positive elements of themselves,” said Dr. Andrea Miller in a phone interview, a Ph.D in clinical psychology. 

“They don’t feel good about themselves,” Ashley Kreze, a psychotherapist, said in a telephone interview. “Their internal thoughts aren’t positive. They are skeptical about their own abilities.”

For example, if a person with low-self esteem does well on a test, they may reason that the test was easy, rather than believing they are intelligent, according to Miller, 34. People with a healthy self-esteem can block out most forms of negativity.

Dorder says that there are signs someone may have low self-esteem. They use negative language, have a slouched posture, lack eye contact, are shy, less socially active, and may have poor hygiene.

People with higher self-esteem have confident posture, are comfortable expressing their opinions, and can make their own choices. 

Low self-esteem can lead to other problems. “It can lead to depression, suppressing feelings of sadness, substance abuse, and anxiety,” said Dorder. Academically, it becomes hard to focus, and procrastination happens more often. 

Miller warns that a poor self-view can also lead to isolation, a fear of social activities, cutting yourself off from others, and entering negative dating relationships.

To improve self-esteem, Dorder says to first be aware of your self-concept. Start speaking in affirmative statements, find out how the negativity was developed, and surround yourself with optimistic people.

Kreze suggests having a trusted friend or family member hold a person accountable for negativity. She adds, “Stick to the three keys: patience, persistence, and a positive attitude.”

Miller has her clients spot their thinking errors, such as disqualifying compliments and accomplishments. “They tend to hold on to a self-view despite evidence of the opposite,” she said.